Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

What do you do when you have guests coming for dinner? If you are like me. you start scrambling! I clean the bathrooms, sweep the floors, get out the nice tablecloth and cook a nice meal, complete with fresh bread and dessert. Then before the guests arrive, I run to my room to brush my hair and freshen up. I make sure the kids have clean faces and decent clothes on. Then, as I hear the guests driving up our long gravel driveway, I light some candles and put on the finishing touches. Then, I attempt to hide my breathlessness as I greet our guests at the door. Is that what it’s like at your house?

A few months ago my husband was watching me do the pre-guest scramble and he commented that he wished I would make the house look that nice for him. At the time, I confess, I sort of rolled my eyes at him. However, that statement has stuck with me and I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

The truth is, my husband has often come home to dirty faces, a stressed-out wife, and a messy house. My husband works 11 or 12 hour days sometimes. He should be able to be refreshed when he walks through the door of our home. So, as a part of my love dare, I have decided to be more hospitable to my husband.

I’m on week 2 of this challenge. Before my husband comes home, we do a pick up of the house, eliminating the clutter that my husband loathes. I dim some lights and light some nice smelling candles. I am already noticing a big difference in my husband and in our entire household. It is simply more relaxed. Last night we all sat in the living room and talked. I am enjoying the warmness of our home as well. I feel truly able to sit and enjoy my family in the evenings.

As far as evening meals, I am not cooking gourmet meals, but I am trying to cook what I know my husband likes. He loves soups and stews, and i keep that in mind as I plan my weekly menu. Last week I planned a special surprise. My husband really loves Indian food, so I made chicken curry. It turned out pretty good, and my husband enjoyed it. A few times a week the kids and I have been making a special treat. On Wednesday we made an apple cake. Tonight we are having family night, and I am going to let the kids make and decorate some fall cookies. I’m no Betty Crocker and I’m not spending hours in the kitchen. I’m just doing little things, but those little things mean a lot, not just to my husband, but to everyone in our home.

Here’s a funny story. Last weekend the house got a bit messy. I could see my husband tensing up, which right away makes me tense up. He took the kids outside with him while he chopped some wood. I took advantage of those kid free moments to clean up the house. I picked up, I swept the floor. I wiped some fingerprints off the appliances and I mopped. In my mind, the house still needed a good cleaning, but I did what I could with the time I had. My husband had brought me home some beautiful flowers the night before. i decided to accentuate their beauty by pulling out a nice tablecloth and sitting them in the middle of the table. I lit some candles and tried to make the house warm and inviting. My husband and kids all walked in the door and looked around in amazement. There were lots of oohs and aahhs. It was like they had just walked in to a fancy hotel or something. I was amazed at their responses. Later I heard my husband talking to a friend on the phone. He was saying, “The house is so clean, and not just that, it’s so warm and homey.” I realized at that moment that it’s not a perfectly clean home that my husband desires. It’s a warm and hospitable environment that he longs for. I am delighted to provide that for him, because I love him.

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It seems everyone has a different definition of normal. For example, my husband and I went to see the movie Fireproof last weekend. You can read more about that in this week’s column. The movie stars Kirk Cameron. If you were a child in the 80s and early 90s you will remember him as Mike Seaver from the show, Growing Pains. In 1990 Cameron became a Christian and his entire worldview changed. Chelsea Noble played his on screen sweetheart and a true love connection was made. They have been married since 1991, and they have six children.

Cameron made a commitment to his wife that he would never kiss another woman, not even for the purpose of acting. So, in the movie Fireproof there is a kissing scene. However, Cameron does not kiss his co-star. His wife stepped in as the body double and did the kissing scene. To me, this seems very normal. A married man should not kiss another woman. .

I have been on several forums and websites where people are downright angry because of his choice. They are calling him names, bashing his faith and being plain old mean. They are offended because he had the audacity to make, and then to honor that commitment to his wife. They think that it simply isn’t normal and that Cameron is weird.

I am baffled. Why would anybody find Cameron’s decision anything but honorable? If Kirk Cameron is weird, then so am I. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I’m proud to be a weirdo. The world needs more of us.

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